The Paunchy God .....

From far he looks every bit a character from a horror movie .  He is actually  round and looks like a fat numerical 8 with hands and legs and a head without a neck .

A red silky dhoti painfully tied around his waist with an obnoxious green belt with pockets and pouches .

The hair looks like snakes dying to be set free from the sweaty head ....matted and muddy .

His chest looks like a treasure chest ....gold and silver chains dangle and compete with each other to shine brighter . And a poor Rudraaksha lies smashed beneath . 

Fingers heavy with rubies and nine gems set in gold . 

Hope he takes care to bless his devotees gently ! A hard blessing with these jewel laden heavy fingers would surely add a painful bump to the already suffering devotee ! 

He sits chanting on his prayer beads ....what could be the chant nobody would know .....

People come  and prostrate themselves before him crying '' Baba bless me and my family , let your hand fall on our heads and let us be enlightened '' . Poor chap little does he know that if Babas hand literally fell on his head he would be nursing a bump with an ice pack . 

Baba does not open his eyes .

Actually those eyes are remote controlled by the clinking of coins or shuffling of currency notes in the tray kept before him ....

The period of time that babas eyes remain shut is directly  proportional to the amount of clinking or shuffling . The more the noise the faster the eye opens . 

When Baba opens his eyes the devotees baby howls and cries desperately to be away from this red eyed beast in front of it ..

Shhhhh goes the devotee '' you musn't disturb baba with ur screams '' 

Shhhh goes the baba '' No no kids are Gods messengers , his cries tell me how deep your problems are '' 

Blind devotee , '' Oh baba you r so far sighted ,I am blessed '' .

Little does he know that Babas actual thoughts would be ''Grrrr you noisy demoniac child ,quit your crying right now an stop disturbing my peace '' .

Well babas eyes are also directly proportionate to the gender of the devotee .......Females open the eyes faster .

As the unsuspecting female touches his feet , babas red eyes look happy and hands come up fast to bless her .

 Mind you male devotees are blessed with a push on the head . Whereas female devotees are blessed on their shoulders or hands , whichever is closer . The blessings are usually longer and prasads are more generously given . 

But Solutions are almost always given partially to provide a future meeting possibility .

Baba is supposed to survive on fruits alone , generously provided by the devotees . But usually the poverty ridden devotees do get distracted by the smell of chicken and fish being cooked  somewhere in the vicinity

Sometimes devotees do wonder how to obtain an 8 figure by surviving on fruits ....then they innocently conclude that babas stomach could be bloated because of gas due to fasting and starvation .....

Rare cases have been reported that baba makes surprise visits to some really lucky devotees houses ....... well The Baba Spies do keep him well informed which house in the village has a birth or a wedding or a death even . 

Sometimes valuables are found missing once baba leaves , but nobody dare question him as they fear his Wrath might turn them to dust or ash ...

Well countrymen ...don't we have enough of Gods already ?

Are we not capable enough to stand up and face and solve our own problems with emotional support given through prayers directed towards one real God ? 

 Are we so desperate that we create our own Human Gods and make them so powerful that if they raise their hands we bend down in fear of being turned to ash the next second .

Think twice before you bend your head down before an 8 shaped Godman who can not turn you to ash but can definitely make your pockets lighter and your life harder ......